One of the questions I often get from women around The No-Man Diet is if I’m already settling for crumbs in relationships, why would I go from that to nothing at all? Isn’t that more like starving? This is the great misconception of The No Man Diet. The process is not about starving yourself, in fact, it’s the opposite; it’s like going from crumbs to the most nourishing feast you’ve ever had in your life.
“Settling for crumbs doesn’t keep you fed – it keeps you starving.”—Danielle Laporte
In life and relationships, we rarely know the full spectrum of what’s possible, what’s available, or what’s being offered. We have the same kind of experience over and over again and come to think that’s all we can expect. In dating and relationships, once we come to expect that this is all that’s available, the other person ends up thinking that this is all what we want. This creates a feedback loop that’s incredibly difficult to break, which is how we keep finding ourselves dating the same kinds of people.
The dirty little secret of The No-Man Diet is that it actually has nothing to do with men.
This is one of the reasons it’s so powerful—it’s not about them. When you take on a No-Man Diet, it becomes about you. Instead of wondering why we’ve been getting crumbs, The No-Man Diet asks why we’ve been settling for crumbs, where we’ve been taking crumbs when a whole menu is on offer, what is it that drives us to take the little bits that are dropped, why we think that’s all we can have, and most importantly, why we aren’t feeding ourselves the nourishment we need.
We feed ourselves crumbs and expect our partners to cook us a delicious dinner.
The No Man Diet is about learning how to live in a way that moment by moment, step by step, we feed and nourish ourselves in the ways we need; loving ourselves so fiercely that we show others how it should be done. Among the vastness of our inner and outer worlds, there is a nourishing feast of relationship available for all of us. That is the power, value and offering of The No-Man diet— it will teach you how to feed yourself in ways that not even a partner can.
The No-Man Diet is secretly a gourmet meal.
In the No Man Diet, we focus not only on what’s being consciously eliminated during this time, but also on what we are consciously choosing to bring in to the space of our lives. So many women are consciously or unconsciously putting much of their attention on dating, sex, getting, or keeping a partner, and we free that time, energy & attention during The No Man Diet.
When I listen to women share their experiences, once they have completed The No Man Diet, I am always reminded of the beautiful poem by Derek Wallcot, Love After Love
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
It might not feel like a gourmet meal every step of the way, but once the dust has settled, you will see the feast of nourishment available to you in life, in relationships with others, and most importantly, with yourself. If you’re interested in learning more about The No-Man Diet, sign up here: