All change begins with one thing — getting in right relationship with exactly where we are right now.
If you find yourself getting into arguments in your head about how things could or should be different, don’t worry, you’re not the only one. This might be something as small as the money in your bank account, or something as large as problems with the government or world. I’m definitely one of those people, and have spent a lot of time working with this aspect of myself. Whether it’s something as large as climate change, or something as personal as who does the dishes in your household, arguing with reality is a complete waste of time and energy and – actually holds you back from making the changes necessary to shift these different aspects of your life and the world.
The desire for change is a beautiful thing.
When we find ourselves constantly arguing in our heads about something, it means we have a desire for things to be different. Desire is a beautiful thing—it points us in the direction of dreams.
As Ram Das said: “The world is perfect exactly as it is – including our desire to change it.”
The problem is, when we get so caught up in the spin of the argument, we never fully acknowledge to ourselves just how things actually are & how we want them to be different – and when we’re caught up in the ‘should be’ space, there’s never an opening to change anything.
We are often afraid to see the truth.
It’s easier to stay in the spin of the argument because we are afraid to acknowledge the truth. We are afraid that if we acknowledge what is so, we will have to accept it, that if we accept reality as it is, we can never change it, and we’ll be stuck with it forever. We think there’s a conflict between what I call getting right with reality and having what we want, but there isn’t. In fact, getting right with reality is the key to getting what we want. Ceasing the argument with what is so in our lives, in any given moment, whether it be internal, external, global or local, is actually the first tool necessary in order to move towards what we truly want.
We must acknowledge the truth if we want anything to change.
“If we are unwilling to acknowledge the ground we stand on, things will never change.” — Kendra Cunov
The first and most essential step in getting where you want to go is accepting where you are. If I’m in Los Angeles and I want to get to San Francisco, but I’m unwilling to admit I’m in Los Angeles, I’m never going to get to San Francisco (or, at the very least, it will take me a LOT longer!) because my map will inherently be faulty & flawed without an accurate starting point. Acknowledging what is so in the moment, or where we are right now, actually allows us to know where we need to go, to chart the path of how to get there, and to get the support we need along the way.
We can then learn what it will actually take to get there.
“We think we’ll limit ourselves if we acknowledge the truth, but the reality is, we limit ourselves by not acknowledging the truth.” — Kendra Cunov
It limits us when we’re unwilling to name where we are, and it frees us to acknowledge the truth. Once we acknowledge the truth, we can figure out how to get to where we want to go.
A great example of this is when I started working with a financial planner several years ago. In the beginning I was afraid to even look at my finances. But without acknowledging where I was financially, I couldn’t get to where I wanted to be. Once I started to build the muscle of looking at my finances directly & regularly, it wasn’t long before it really wasn’t that scary anymore -in fact it became fun! Soon I was able to work with the financial planner to get on track to getting what I wanted — buying a home & property — and it wasn’t long before that ended up actually becoming a reality.
Learning what is so—without assuming it limits us—gives us information about where we are, which enables us to get to where we want to be.
Ready to get in the right relationship with reality? Check out the quiz I created here to get you started.
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