It’s OK not to be committed to things.
There is an underlying assumption that commitment is better than no commitment, but that’s not always true. An overarching theme in all my teachings is choice, and the precursor to choice is honesty – being honest with ourselves about where we are and what we want. From there, we make choices. As soon as we think we ‘should’ be committed to something, it’s much harder to have an honest conversation about what’s true for us and to make honest choices about where to go from there.
Commitment is not a moral imperative.
Commitment is not a ‘should.’ We have no moral obligation to commit to anything beyond what feels true and honest in our soul. There is a common tendency to assume we should commit to everything offered to, or asked of, us and, as a result, we often find ourselves committed to many things that are not true for us.
People will often say to look at your calendar, or at your bank account, to see the things you are committed to and there is some truth to that. This is not necessarily the full truth either. It’s a valuable way to get data around where we spend our time and money, but there’s also a way we can look much deeper: what is the deeper cut, underneath how you spend your time and money? And are you making those choices consciously? Maybe the time you spend at your Aerospace Engineering job is actually a commitment to providing for your family. Or it could be a commitment to space exploration and broader human understanding of the universe.
Figuring out what you are committed -and not committed- to and letting go of judgment around either one.
Often, the surface thing we think we are committed to is not the real commitment. Look honestly at your life and ask what you are and aren’t committed to right now. Where are you willing to do whatever it takes? Where can you be honest about what you don’t actually want to do and then drop the judgment about it? Where do you say things like “I’m committed, but….”? Often the part that comes after ‘but’ is the thing we are committed to.
It’s vulnerable, but we need to be honest with ourselves. Relax the judgment. You aren’t bad or wrong for what you’re committed to and you’re also not bad or wrong for not being committed to what others think you should be.
(I share more about how to practice this in your own life in the video at the bottom of this post)
The circumstances of our lives are real.
In the personal growth world, there’s a tendency to shame people by suggesting they were not committed enough if they weren’t able to make something happen. There’s value in looking at our lives in that way – in exploring where we may have habitually stopped short – but there is also life.
Life does get in the way. Children get sick, towns flood, cars break down, family members die. To ignore these as real circumstances is to pretend that all life is within our control, and that’s just hubris!
This is why it is so important to look at the deeper level of what we are committed/committing to: The energetic beneath the ‘result.’
When we are committed to an energetic, or a way of being, we can stay committed – no matter what.
(Watch the full video to hear more about what I mean by this)
A gesture of full commitment.
There’s no such thing as “I’m committed, but…”
When we figure out what we’re fully committed to, then we can offer a gesture of full commitment. And when we offer a gesture of full commitment, there will always be a reciprocal gesture that comes from the universe to meet it. It might not always be exactly what we want, or the way we think it should look, but something will happen in response. This has been true for me in my life over and over again.
(In the video I share many stories of how this has played out in my own life)
There will always be choices to be made. And our choices do have consequences. However, once we make a gesture of full commitment, we become able to meet what arises with our full commitment – moment to moment.
When we are truly committed to something, we look for all the ways to make it happen, not in spite of our life circumstances but within them.
Watch the full video to hear stories about how this applies to my life: