When I was in my early 20’s, I lived in a Zen Buddhist monastery for 3 years. We used to joke that no one came to the monastery because they were really happy and in love with their life; no one wanted to get up at 2:50 am every morning to meditate for 3 hours.

Going on a No-Man Diet is a little like that, most women don’t really want to go on one.

However, for women who choose this path, the desire to go on a No-Man diet will arise from one of two places: Either from the frustration of not having the man or relationship they want, or wanting to prove they don’t need a man at all.

On one side of the spectrum sit the women who really want to be in a relationship—they have a little hamster wheel constantly turning in their minds, wondering when they’re going to meet their man, and how they need to look or act so they can attract him. And on the other side are the women who think they don’t need a man at all, that they can do everything on their own.

What I’ve come to see is that these two actually stem from the same place. The part that believes that being whole and complete unto oneself means not needing anything from anyone, stems from the same place as feeling really needy and wanting a man to fix it.

This is where the idea of Sacred Sovereignty comes in and it’s an idea I’ve been exploring intimately in myself for a while now: I believe True {or Sacred} Sovereignty is when a woman finds the place where she is whole unto herself, AND that place includes any part of her that is needy, feels broken, or is longing to be deeply met in partnership.

Sometimes, as women, there’s a place inside us that’s looking for our very existence to be validated by men and by the masculine gaze. It’s heavy stuff, which is what makes the pushing away of men and the masculine by many of us such a natural reaction.  

I can make my own money, I can take care of the kids, I can get myself off—these are all true—but what is also true is that I deeply long to be met in intimate relationship. Most of us are unwilling to feel that longing because it’s too painful or scary.

But when I put myself on a No-Man Diet, I created a space for myself to feel that longing, without pushing it away and without acting on it.  This is the space I create for the women in my No-Man Diet program as well.

True sovereignty is being settled enough in who we are and safe enough in our own skin that we can allow ourselves to feel the parts of us that are needy or longing. It’s when we have enough room inside that we have space for the parts of that are longing to be held, longing to be taken care of, and longing for physical contact.

And, instead of trying to fix the feeling of neediness, emptiness or longing, it’s about creating a structure where all of that can be felt. This is what the No-Man diet is.

A No-Man Diet will always be unique to every woman. But generally speaking, it’s about choosing a period of time when dating, sex and relationships are off the table, in service of creating something else entirely.

I’ve created a container to take women through the process, because, although anyone can do this on their own, going through this process myself was some of the deepest work I have done in my life (and I have done a lot of deep work), and I don’t know how I would have gotten through it and stayed true to my intention(s), if I hadn’t had a coach, a mentor, and a very solid support system in place to carry me through.  

So if you’d like this kind of support, from me and a group of other women dedicated to this process, the No-Man diet starts on April 1st (no joke). It’s a 12-week online course where we’ll explore Sacred Sovereignty, self-trust, and getting in right relationship with men and The Masculine in our lives. Join women from all over as explore these ideas together in a deep, safe and nourishing container.

If you’re interested in joining us on the No-Man diet, check it out here.

Watch the original video below, and feel free to leave any questions, comments or feelings about this blog in the section below, and I will respond.




Like what you're reading?
To receive relational practices and posts like this, sign up here.

Pin It on Pinterest