Last year I created a powerful improv movement video with the world-class jazz vocalist Monique DeBose. People watching it have expressed awe at my capacity to flow in the moment, to follow my intuition and have wondered how I even knew to create this video at all. One woman called me a ‘Goddess of Embodiment’.

Now, I’m not gonna lie: That all felt really good! But I want to share what went on behind the scenes, because so often we only see the finished product and then think “I could never do that”.

This is a story about the power of allowing yourself to live in the unknown; about the value of letting the answers come in their own time – even when it seems like they might never come!

This is a story about letting go of looking like everyone else and the beauty that can be created when you share the part{s} of you that you think are the weirdest.

As part of a powerful mastermind I’m a member of, I was offered the opportunity to create a short professional video sharing my message.  They had hired a professional video crew, and created space to hone our message and presentation skills on video. I witnessed, for months, as the other members worked on honing their words, and whittling their pieces down to right amount of time. Everyone else seemed to have clarity on what they wanted to say, even if they needed help finding a way to say that would have the desired impact.

But I had nothing. Or, maybe, too much.

I couldn’t for the life of me decide what to talk about that really mattered.  I had no idea what my ‘signature message’ was.  Or what I could possibly say in five minutes that would actually make a difference.

The night before my filming day I still didn’t have anything and I was filled with anxiety. I considered giving up my spot and passing on the opportunity.  That seemed like a better option than getting up there and wasting everyone’s time and energy when I had nothing prepared. As I was lying in bed, deciding to send the coordinator a message letting her know I wouldn’t be participating, I suddenly had an idea:  I teach so much about embodiment and intuitive movement, what if I did a movement piece instead of speaking?!

Then, I got excited!

And then overwhelmed.

It was already 10pm and I’d need to pick a song and oh, right – I thought – what about copyright?

And then I had another idea!

I knew that one of the women in the group (Monique DeBose) was a brilliant improv jazz vocalist. Maybe I could ask her to improv with me?

I felt scared to ask.  Scared she would say no.  Scared she would say yes.

I had that uncomfortable feeling in my gut that I get when I know exactly what my next step is, and that step scares the hell out of me. So I went to sleep, still not knowing. Not knowing if she would say yes, and, even if she did, how the f*ck we could actually do this.

In the morning I found Monique and nervously asked her.She was an immediate and beaming ‘yes!’ – even though neither of us really knew what the heck this would look like.

We just went with it.

We connected to ourselves; we connected with each other; we allowed ourselves to play. I walked out of that room having no idea if what we did was ‘worth’ anything, in the sense of sharing it later. What I did know was that I felt proud of using my time in a way that was true to me.

Once the videos were complete, they were shared with each of us, personally first and then with the whole group – and I completely avoided mine.  For weeks I couldn’t watch it!  It wasn’t until other members of the group began commenting on my video that I got up the courage to watch it. So, now, I offer it to you – in hopes that it may be just the gift some of you are needing.