We live in a culture that has led us to believe that what is pleasurable is sinful, wrong, or cannot be trusted. As a result, we don’t spend a lot of time talking about pleasure, which truly does a large disservice to all of us. We are taught to believe pleasure is extra, a luxury, superfluous to what ‘really matters’ in life.  The truth is that pleasure is the beating heart of life.  The energy of pleasure is the same energy that creates stars & moons, planets & supernovas, all life on earth…  When we disconnect from, or turn away from our own pleasure energy, we lose touch with the very life-blood of our own life force.

One way we avoid a life of pleasure is by conflating sensuality, pleasure, sexuality and eroticism.  While there can be places of crossover, these are four distinct things & experiences.  We tend to overlook the polarities that distinguish these concepts, but our lives become so much richer if we know how to separate them. Every human being is sensual, by our very nature.  We have the capacity to experience th sensual, pleasurable, sexual and erotic simultaneously – and also indivdually.  In order to have the deepest experience of each, we need to be consciously aware of what we are experiencing. 

There is so much pleasure to be had in life outside the experience of sexuality. Learning to distinguish between these concepts allows us to have more sensual and pleasurable experiences that are not (only) sexual. When we allow ourselves to have sensual & pleasurable experiences that are not sexual, we expand the range of our life experience.  Expanding our life experience in this way creates a fuller, more fulfilled, experience of life.

Defining what is sensual 

The word sensual tends to be overused in a relation to a sexual experience, when in reality the word sensual simply applies to anything that involves the senses. To have a sensual experience simply means engaging one or more of our senses. We also assume the word sensual only refers to a positive sensual experience, but having a sensual experience can be good, bad or just plain neutral. 

We have sensual experiences everyday as we’re tasting, touching, hearing, smelling and seeing. Even silence itself is a sensual experience. Having the ability to take the time to consciously and intentionally tap into the feeling of these senses helps to enrich our lives with more awareness and fulfillment. 

It comes back to our intention – I’m choosing to focus on this – whether that be a taste, a smell, a sight, a touch or a sound – and fully immerse ourselves in a sensual experience. We need to have the ability to tap into the physical sensations we feel both internally and externally to discover what feels good, bad or just neutral. 

Defining what is pleasure

The word pleasure tends to suggest a sexual encounter, but we can experience pleasure in every aspect of our lives. As we discussed previously, the term sensual is the act of immersing oneself in a sensory experience, but pleasure relates to the sensual encounters that we find pleasurable – those that feel good in some way.  Simply said, a pleasurable experience is one we can say “I like that” about.

Pleasure can come in many forms:  Hugging a family member, smelling a rose, standing in front of a beautiful view, touching a soft kitten’s fur, receiving praise, or being desired — whatever feels good, or lights you up, brings you pleasure.  For some of us pain is pleasurable.  Resistance can be pleasurable.  You get to define pleasure for yourself, and only you get to say whether a sensation is pleasurable.

We unconsciously bypass many of these experiences when we don’t know how to distinguish them, and by not allowing ourselves to indulge in the individual feelings within and outside of our body. Taking the time to discover & pay attention to what is truly pleasurable for you specifically, is powerful & important work.

Defining what is sexual 

Again, in some way, we each get to define what is sexual for us.  But sexual goes beyond just something that feels good.  Sexual involves our sex in some way.  Sexual experiences can be experiences we have with only ourselves, with one other person, or with many people.  An experience can be sexual with involving intercourse, or any penetration at all.  A sexual experience need not even involve our genitals, or other ‘sexual’ areas of the body.  Sexual experiences can be pleasurable, neutral, or unpleasant. I’m sure many of us have had a sexual experience that was not pleasurable.

Inquiring into what makes an experience sexual for you & defining sexual for yourself, is a valuable practice to engage in some consistent way.  Revisiting this inquiry is important, as it allows our definition(s) to change & evolve.

Defining what is erotic

The word erotic comes from the Greek root eros, meaning ‘desire’.  Because desire is so often associated with sex, the erotic is also most often conflated with sex & the sexual.  But erotic goes beyond sex.  The erotic encompasses the sensual, sexual & pleasurable.

Erotic is the creative energy of the universe. Fully defining erotic would require its own alticle!  And, honestly, many people more eloquent than I have written beautifully on this topic – most notably Audre Lorde.  You can hear her, in her own words, here. 

The erotic is truly one of the most powerful energies there is, and tapping in to this energy taps us into something far deeper & more essential than our own ‘personal empowerment’.

Enriching our Experience 

Many of the women, and some of the men I work with are deeply served by taking on a regular pleasure practice. By ‘pleasure practice’ I don’t necessarily mean a solo sexual practice, which is its own deep & powerful practice. I mean a practice of consciously engaging pleasurable experiences related to the senses. By bringing a heightened awareness to our senses, it gives us the opportunity to introduce more feeling into our lives. If we can tap into our sensory experiences, it also brings more awareness to our sexual experiences. Start by asking yourself questions like: 

• What are the subtle textures & tastes in the food I’m eating? 
• How do these fresh sheets (actually) feel on my skin? 
• What do I feel in my body when I immerse myself in this music? 
• What are my eyes taking in right now? 
• What sensations do I feel on the surface of my skin?

By learning more about ourselves and our visceral experiences we begin to form a personal language of experience.  Once we begin to describe what we are experiencing, we can use this verbal and sensory language to describe the type of experience we want to have, which is really the point of the whole thing — to have more of the kinds of experiences in life that bring us beauty, joy, meaning and happiness. 

Watch the full video below for more: