1. Do I really have to give up dating and sex? Why?
In the end, you have to answer those questions for yourself. In the program, we’ll spend two full weeks creating each woman’s unique container and agreements, because it’s so personal. However, I make a very strong recommendation that you give up all dating, sex and romantic relationships (that includes those late-night booty calls to your ex!). The reason is that in order to truly create something new, you must truly let go of old habits, but not what you are really longing for.
Having an insight and actually making different choices are two very different things! What I’ve seen time and time again is that women have insights around how they want to relate to dating and sex differently, but still keep behaving in ways that are counter to that insight.
And when you are filling your time, attention and energetic space with relating that does not truly nourish you, there is no room for the kind of relationship(s) you say you want.
Having the support of a coach and a community of women on the same path is huge in being able to hold firm to these agreements we make with ourselves.
2. Am I allowed to hang out with my guy friends?
That depends. I would suggest paying close attention to why you need to hang out with them during this time? What are you afraid of losing if you let them know you needed some time apart – not because there is any problem, but because you are taking time to really love yourself (better).
If a man—friend or romantic relationship—can’t allow you the space you need for you and you, then there is usually some addiction going on in the dynamic between you.
Of course, you don’t need to create 12 weeks of your life where you never come in contact with any men! But you will grow more and more aware of all the ways you use your interactions with men as a means of validation. And that is the place to practice.
3. I’m separated from my husband but still married, is the No-Man diet for me?
Absolutely! This could be the perfect container to hold you during this time.
For my relationship, it was my willingness to truly let it go, that allowed us to create the beautiful partnership we have today. This is like winter and how many plants need to die back in order to bloom or fruit again in the spring.
I can’t say whether you will choose to be romantic partners on the other side or not, but I can promise you, that if you truly give yourself to this process, you can absolutely create the Right Relationship (for you) with each other on the other side.
The freedom to make a true choice about whether to stay together or get a divorce comes from the willingness to let what is die, so that what might be—divorce or continued partnership—has fertile ground to grow in.
4. I’m not looking for a man right now – I’m looking for clarity around what I can ask for from a partner and what I need to be able to source elsewhere….is the No-Man Diet for me?
This is actually the foundation of The No-Man Diet.
What I discovered during my own experience, was what my true desires even were. From there, I got right with wanting them, whether someone could meet them or not.
I also found all these ways that I was deeply fulfilled, alone. And it was the willingness to really surrender into the aloneness that allowed me to find the fulfillment. It’s one thing to conceptually understand, but it wasn’t until I walked the path that I really got (like, in my bone marrow) how deeply fulfilled I could be alone.
5. Can’t I just do this on my own? Why do I need to do your program?
The container is crucial. It holds us when we have really good excuses, or reasons, for stepping outside it. My container was held and shared with many people—I was working with a coach the whole time, I shared it with other men friends, women friends and colleagues. I had a very strong support system. I was very clear about what I was doing, what the guidelines were and for how long – and my people were there for me through it all – especially the moments when I wanted to quit.
I can almost guarantee that, at some point, you will meet The One during this process, and fully convince yourself you’ve gotten the lesson and it is time to quit. That is when having the community of women, as well as myself to share and receive feedback honestly is invaluable.
Feel free to leave any questions, comments or feelings below and I’ll get back to them as soon as possible.